Once Upon a Geek

While on an eight-hour road trip with my wife, two children, and mother-in-law, this post sprung into my brain fully-formed.  It’s an excerpt from a job description for potential married geeks with children.

<<Excerpt>>

JOB DESCRIPTION

Position: Married Geek with Children

Section: Time Commitment

Applicant Prerequisites:

1. Applicant must have at least 25 years experience in geekery.  Interests to include (but not limited to): comic books; role-playing; video games; action figures; surfing the web; science fiction movies, TV, and novels; and movie/TV tie-in novels.
2. Applicants must be married to a non-geek.  Applicants whose spousal unit qualifies as a geek may be considered, however, several of the restrictions outlined below may not apply.
3. Applicants should have at least two children (some of which may be live-in step-children).  Applicants with only one child will be considered, however, until the number of children equal or exceed the number of parents the full-blown “children effect” is not as substantial.

Applicants must be willing to meet the following requirements:

Applicant is expected to give up most available geekery time.  Applicant must be willing to sacrifice geek-related activities in exchange for: chasing after children; helping with the dishes; bathing children; tucking children in bed; and all-around household chores.  Examples of lost geekery time include:

• Coming home after a long day at work, sitting down with an enormous bowl of Mac & Cheese and playing video games all night long. This will no longer be acceptable.
• Seeing geek-related movies on opening night in a sold-out movie theater.  Unless the spousal unit has a trusted babysitter, this is an activity for “remember when” discussions.
• Long leisurely visits to the comic book store will be infrequent going forward.  No more three hour discussions with comic shop employees as to who would win in a fight, Thor or Superman.  Applicant’s comic shop visits going forward will require careful planning and execution.  Economical usage of time is recommended; visit the comic book store during lunch hours, while out running errands for spousal unit, or take a few pico-seconds to stop by on the way home from work.  It’s recommended the applicants not take children to the comic shop unless the applicant wishes to spend the entire visit chasing the children or purchasing some outrageously over-priced action figure for the child.

“Alone Time” Addendum

“Alone Time” definition: The highly unusual instances (nearly mythical) in which the applicant find themselves without children, spousal unit, and/or personal/professional duties to perform.  Applicant must accept the only “alone time” they will have for the rest of their lives will most likely occur in one of the following places/circumstances:

1. In the bathroom - Whether it be using the toilet or taking a shower, this is one of the only times the applicant will be allowed to be alone.  Applicants are strongly recommended to read comic books or novels during toilet usage.  It may be the only time you get for reading the whole week.  Warning: this “alone time” may be interrupted by two-year old children banging on the bathroom door because they think it’s funny.
2. In the car - When not transporting children to or from daycare/school, the applicant may find themselves alone in the car.  Applicants are strongly recommended to use this time to their best advantage.  Recommended usage includes listening to applicant’s favorite songs, calling old geek friends who never hear from the applicant anymore, or listening to audio books/radio plays.  Warning: this “alone time” may be interrupted by the spousal unit calling on the cell phone.  Spousal units always seem to know when the applicant is alone in the car.  Said spousal units apparently believe it’s their duty to call the applicant simply because the applicant doesn’t have anyone to talk to in the car.  In order to maximize this infrequent “alone time”, it’s recommended the applicant not answer the cell phone, later claiming it was set to ”vibrate” and they didn’t notice.
3. After everyone goes to sleep - Once the children and spousal unit have fallen asleep, the applicant may find themselves with available time.  It’s highly recommended the applicant spend this time on the computer, watching TV, or reading comic books/novels.  Utilization of this “alone time”  may result in the applicant going to sleep at 2:30am.  Many applicants find the sacrifice of sleep in exchange for maintaining geek-cred to be worthwhile.  Warning: this “alone time” may be interrupted by sleep-walking eight year olds; two years suffering from night terrors; or spousal units awakening and confronting the applicant with questions like, “When are you coming to bed?” or “What are you doing up so late?”
4. Mother-in-law visits - This is the holy grail of “alone time”.  On rare occasion, the spousal unit will take the children to the mother-in-law’s place of residence for a visit.  If the mother-in-law lives out of town, these visits may include overnight arrangements.  Applicants are strongly recommended to make the best usage of this time.  Potential usages include: applicant hanging out with old geek friends they haven’t seen since they had children; going to geek-related movies; renting geek-related movies they missed in the theater while eating absurd amounts of bad Chinese take-out; and marathon comic book reading sessions/video game playing sessions.  Warning: applicants that are fortunate enough to experience “alone time” as a result of a Mother-in-law visit should prepare themselves for the resulting application of “guilt-trip 1.0″.  The “guilt-trip 1.0″ application will be initiated by the spousal unit because the applicant didn’t travel to the Mother-in-law’s residence with the spousal unit.  It’s recommended the applicant allow the application of ”guilt trip 1.0″ to run it’s course, but simply purge any resulting emotions once the discussion is complete.  WARNING: If the spousal unit detects compatibility errors with ”guilt trip 1.0″, it may diminish the frequency of future Mother-in-law visits.

<<End Excerpt>>

This excerpt was simply the section on “Time Commitment”.  Other sections include, “Financial Impact of Children and Spousal Unit on Available Geekery Funds”, ”It Really is Wonderful to Have Children… Seriously”, and “Conversational Geek”.  In the “Conversational Geek” section you’ll learn things like:

• Encouraging your children to refer to automobile acceleration as ”warp speed” or “hyperspace”.
• The challenges of explaining to a small child why Batman and Spider-Man will never team-up in a movie.
• If you find yourself explaining to your non-geek spouse the Star Trek timeline in regard to the original series, Next Generation, and Enterprise … you must realize they aren’t listening; they are just humoring you.

If you have any further documentation for this job description, please feel free to share!

This t-shirt design is crazy funny, but I’m sure also very controversial.  It was worn by Matt Fraction, writer of The Invincible Iron Man comic book, at the recent San Diego ComicCon.  I’m not entirely certain who to thank for this awesome design, but Matt was pointing everyone to “Tony Was Right.com”.  Personally, I stumbled across it on the “For the Love of Comics” blog.

I am so very tempted to get this printed on a shirt and wear it to Dragon*Con.  Oooooooooo… I think I’m gonna have to do it.  I love stirring up trouble.

Other than the Doctor Who dynasty of shows, I don’t watch much television.  However, there is one new show that I have totally fallen for in the past year… “Chuck” on NBC.  The show is about a computer geek who is catapulted into a new career as the government’s most vital secret. With the government’s most precious secrets in Chuck’s head, NSA’s John Casey and CIA’s Sarah Walker assume the responsibility of protecting him. The show is a mixture of action/adventure and sitcom, with just a dash of angsty romance.  Somehow they’ve hit upon a magical formula that just works.

If you haven’t seen the series, you can watch a few episodes (including the pilot) at the official NBC web site for Chuck.  The series features the hilarious and brilliant Zachary Levi as Chuck.  Sara Walker is played by one of the hottest women to come out of Australia, Yvonne Strahovski. John Casey is played by fantastic Adam Baldwin.  The supporting characters are also awesome (pun intended, if you watch the show)!

Recently Wildstorm comics started a six-issue mini-series based upon the show.  It’s being written by series co-executive producer Peter Johnson and series writer Zev Borow, so it’s not just some lousy throwaway spin-off.  The first issue came out last month (hopefully you can still find it in stores), while the second issue is slated to come out this week.  I felt that Issue #1 was well done.  Since its being written by people from the actual show, you get the sense that they got the characters “voices” right.  I love the homage to Gilligan’s Island in the beginning where Chuck plays Gilligan and his boss plays Skipper.  Funny stuff!  Also, some former Chuck adversaries make appearances in the comic, so that was fun.  Finally, there is a one-page back-up called “Captain Awesome’s Tips for Being Awesome!!”  That was great… or dare I say AWESOME!  All told, I think the comic mini-series is off to a good start.

There were also a few recent Hellboy II: The Golden Army commercials featuring Chuck.  Check them out below.

 Chuck hangs with Hellboy…

Better head to the Buy More…

If you can’t view the embedded videos, just head over to the official NBC web site for Chuck.

While the reviews have been somewhat mixed, I personally enjoyed the new movie “Hancock“.  I felt the movie delivered on what was promised in the trailers (a down-and-out superhero mends his ways to become a hero).  There were fun displays of superpowers, such as the way Hancock does super-jumps and his landings.  They also did an excellent job showing the collateral damage caused by superheroes.  It makes you think how dangerous it would really be to have super-powered beings running around.

Surprisingly, there is a whole other plot that takes place on the back-end of the movie that was not featured in the trailers.  I won’t spoil it for you, but I imagine that is what most people are fussing about.  The expectation nowadays is that every major plot thread should be featured in the trailer.  When something hits you during the film you weren’t expecting, you should rejoice!  Wow, a genuine surprise during a movie!  When was the last time that happened?  We’ve all become so used to knowing in advance what is going to happen, we’ve forgotten how much fun it is to be surprised.  Good job Hancock!

Finally, there were some concerns early on about the similarities between the Hancock plot of a down-and-out/alcoholic superhero and the potential “Demon in a Bottle” plot for Iron Man 2.  In fact, the director of Iron Man 2 suggested they may have to drop the entire Tony Stark alcoholic storyline if it would be too repetitious of Hancock.   After seeing Hancock, I don’t think they have anything to worry about.  I think the storyline of Tony Stark spiraling into self-destructive alcoholism could still be done quite well without concern for plot repetition.  Just my two cents.

Hulk + Porn = Gamma Dong.  I’m just sayin’…

Once The Unique Geek Presidential Debate podcast is posted, this will make a little more sense.  Be watching The Unique Geek website for this special event!

To anyone with a sense of humor, I highly recommend the comic ”Maintenance“.  This comic revolves around Doug & Manny, two janitors for the world’s biggest and best evil science think tank.  Some of their misadventures include dealing with toxic spills, getting drunk with a talking manshark, accidentally time-traveling back to the Stone Age, and being shrunk so they can deal with evil micro-organisms that have taken control of the company toilets.  They even have to deal with typical inter-office crap like department meetings and speeches from the boss on morale.

The comic is witty and drawn excellently.  Oni Press publishes the book and you can read a 32 page preview for free online at their site.  There are two trades already in publication, and the third trade is due out within the next couple weeks.

It’s definitely worth your time. C’mon, you know you need a laugh.

I heard about this on THE UNIQUE GEEK list serv, so if you’ve already seen this I apologize.  It’s a webcomic called “Breakfast of the Gods” and it’s hilarious!  There are on the third issue now.  The cast features all your favorite morning cereal characters (i.e. Tony the Tiger, Captain Crunch… etc).  The storytelling is really well done, the art gets better with every page, and it’s a decent page-turner.  I’m surprised every time a new major cereal icon shows up because I’m thinking, “Surely by now they’ve tapped out all the major cereal characters”.  But sure enough, a new one will turn up and I’ll slap my forehead thinking, “How on Earth did I forget about that character.”  I feel this series is vaguely reminiscent (with the tongue firmly planted in the cheek) of the Vertigo comic series “Fables”. 

So give these webcomics a try.  They’re Grrrrrrreat!

Here’s the cover of issue #1

Here is the first page …

Watch the YouTube video below for a really funny Aquaman song by Ookla the Mok.  By the way, that is the coolest name for a band ever!  The video is mostly made up of clips from the failed Aquaman TV show pilot, however, I’m all about the lyrics of the song.

If you are unable to view the embedded video, click here.

What a great Father’s Day I had!  My wife made chocolate chip muffins for breakfast, I spent the morning playing with the kids, then we all swam in pool for the first time this season, next I got to eat Sonny’s barbeque for lunch, and finally we went to the comic book shop!  What a fun stress-free day!

In addition to some nice typical Father’s Day items, I gotta mention the geek-related swag I received.  I got a cool Marvel t-shirt from Target that I’ve been eyeing lately (see picture to right).  Then I also received two plates that my kids drew for me! You can see the plate on the left was done by two-year old daughter.  She’s currently in her Impressionist period.  Don’t worry, we’re watching her closely to ensure she doesn’t cut off her ear and give it to anyone.  The plate on the right was done by my eight year old step-son.  You can see he’s done a Doctor Who themed plate for me.  This may just be my favorite piece of Doctor Who related merchandise now!  You can clearly make out the 10th Doctor, Martha Jones, K-9, and the remains of a recently-destroyed Dalek!  He got all the colors right, and even drew in the Sonic Screwdriver.  I’m so proud of my budding little geek!

In regard to the shirt, I love the 1960’s/1970’s era Marvel apparel.  The fake fading makes them look even cooler! However, I gotta ask you (my geek buddies) to help me identify one of the faces on my new shirt.  I recognize everyone except this guy.  Who the funk is he?  He’s not Reed Richards and he’s not Nick Fury.  I’m clueless.  A little help here?

In honor of the new “Incredible Hulk” movie.  This is hilarious!

I ganked it from Michael Bailey, who ganked it from dj_intheuk.