Once Upon a Geek

Not terribly geeky today, but related to my life right now.  Today we have Tropical Storm Fay moving in over our area.  While we certainly won’t get it as bad as others have, we should still get lots of rain and wind.

I can’t help but be reminded of Hurricane seasons past.  Below are a few humorous bits I’ve collected  or have been sent over the past few years related to Florida and Hurricanes.  Hope you enjoy.  Send me an umbrella if you can.

Just for fun, stop by CNN and watch an animated reenactment of the 2004 Hurricane Season.  It’s pretty interesting to watch.

Finally, a few things that Hurricanes have taught us…

• An oak tree on the ground looks four times bigger than it did standing up.
• When house hunting, look for closets with lots of leg room.
• AA, C and D are the only alphabet we need (think batteries).
• Chainsaw-wielding-men are nothing to be afraid of.
• You can’t spell “priceless” without I-C-E.
• Gasoline is a value at any price.
• Candlelight is better than botox - it takes years off your appearance.
• No matter how hard the wind blows, roadside campaign signs will survive.

While on an eight-hour road trip with my wife, two children, and mother-in-law, this post sprung into my brain fully-formed.  It’s an excerpt from a job description for potential married geeks with children.

<<Excerpt>>

JOB DESCRIPTION

Position: Married Geek with Children

Section: Time Commitment

Applicant Prerequisites:

1. Applicant must have at least 25 years experience in geekery.  Interests to include (but not limited to): comic books; role-playing; video games; action figures; surfing the web; science fiction movies, TV, and novels; and movie/TV tie-in novels.
2. Applicants must be married to a non-geek.  Applicants whose spousal unit qualifies as a geek may be considered, however, several of the restrictions outlined below may not apply.
3. Applicants should have at least two children (some of which may be live-in step-children).  Applicants with only one child will be considered, however, until the number of children equal or exceed the number of parents the full-blown “children effect” is not as substantial.

Applicants must be willing to meet the following requirements:

Applicant is expected to give up most available geekery time.  Applicant must be willing to sacrifice geek-related activities in exchange for: chasing after children; helping with the dishes; bathing children; tucking children in bed; and all-around household chores.  Examples of lost geekery time include:

• Coming home after a long day at work, sitting down with an enormous bowl of Mac & Cheese and playing video games all night long. This will no longer be acceptable.
• Seeing geek-related movies on opening night in a sold-out movie theater.  Unless the spousal unit has a trusted babysitter, this is an activity for “remember when” discussions.
• Long leisurely visits to the comic book store will be infrequent going forward.  No more three hour discussions with comic shop employees as to who would win in a fight, Thor or Superman.  Applicant’s comic shop visits going forward will require careful planning and execution.  Economical usage of time is recommended; visit the comic book store during lunch hours, while out running errands for spousal unit, or take a few pico-seconds to stop by on the way home from work.  It’s recommended the applicants not take children to the comic shop unless the applicant wishes to spend the entire visit chasing the children or purchasing some outrageously over-priced action figure for the child.

“Alone Time” Addendum

“Alone Time” definition: The highly unusual instances (nearly mythical) in which the applicant find themselves without children, spousal unit, and/or personal/professional duties to perform.  Applicant must accept the only “alone time” they will have for the rest of their lives will most likely occur in one of the following places/circumstances:

1. In the bathroom - Whether it be using the toilet or taking a shower, this is one of the only times the applicant will be allowed to be alone.  Applicants are strongly recommended to read comic books or novels during toilet usage.  It may be the only time you get for reading the whole week.  Warning: this “alone time” may be interrupted by two-year old children banging on the bathroom door because they think it’s funny.
2. In the car - When not transporting children to or from daycare/school, the applicant may find themselves alone in the car.  Applicants are strongly recommended to use this time to their best advantage.  Recommended usage includes listening to applicant’s favorite songs, calling old geek friends who never hear from the applicant anymore, or listening to audio books/radio plays.  Warning: this “alone time” may be interrupted by the spousal unit calling on the cell phone.  Spousal units always seem to know when the applicant is alone in the car.  Said spousal units apparently believe it’s their duty to call the applicant simply because the applicant doesn’t have anyone to talk to in the car.  In order to maximize this infrequent “alone time”, it’s recommended the applicant not answer the cell phone, later claiming it was set to ”vibrate” and they didn’t notice.
3. After everyone goes to sleep - Once the children and spousal unit have fallen asleep, the applicant may find themselves with available time.  It’s highly recommended the applicant spend this time on the computer, watching TV, or reading comic books/novels.  Utilization of this “alone time”  may result in the applicant going to sleep at 2:30am.  Many applicants find the sacrifice of sleep in exchange for maintaining geek-cred to be worthwhile.  Warning: this “alone time” may be interrupted by sleep-walking eight year olds; two years suffering from night terrors; or spousal units awakening and confronting the applicant with questions like, “When are you coming to bed?” or “What are you doing up so late?”
4. Mother-in-law visits - This is the holy grail of “alone time”.  On rare occasion, the spousal unit will take the children to the mother-in-law’s place of residence for a visit.  If the mother-in-law lives out of town, these visits may include overnight arrangements.  Applicants are strongly recommended to make the best usage of this time.  Potential usages include: applicant hanging out with old geek friends they haven’t seen since they had children; going to geek-related movies; renting geek-related movies they missed in the theater while eating absurd amounts of bad Chinese take-out; and marathon comic book reading sessions/video game playing sessions.  Warning: applicants that are fortunate enough to experience “alone time” as a result of a Mother-in-law visit should prepare themselves for the resulting application of “guilt-trip 1.0″.  The “guilt-trip 1.0″ application will be initiated by the spousal unit because the applicant didn’t travel to the Mother-in-law’s residence with the spousal unit.  It’s recommended the applicant allow the application of ”guilt trip 1.0″ to run it’s course, but simply purge any resulting emotions once the discussion is complete.  WARNING: If the spousal unit detects compatibility errors with ”guilt trip 1.0″, it may diminish the frequency of future Mother-in-law visits.

<<End Excerpt>>

This excerpt was simply the section on “Time Commitment”.  Other sections include, “Financial Impact of Children and Spousal Unit on Available Geekery Funds”, ”It Really is Wonderful to Have Children… Seriously”, and “Conversational Geek”.  In the “Conversational Geek” section you’ll learn things like:

• Encouraging your children to refer to automobile acceleration as ”warp speed” or “hyperspace”.
• The challenges of explaining to a small child why Batman and Spider-Man will never team-up in a movie.
• If you find yourself explaining to your non-geek spouse the Star Trek timeline in regard to the original series, Next Generation, and Enterprise … you must realize they aren’t listening; they are just humoring you.

If you have any further documentation for this job description, please feel free to share!

To anyone with a sense of humor, I highly recommend the comic ”Maintenance“.  This comic revolves around Doug & Manny, two janitors for the world’s biggest and best evil science think tank.  Some of their misadventures include dealing with toxic spills, getting drunk with a talking manshark, accidentally time-traveling back to the Stone Age, and being shrunk so they can deal with evil micro-organisms that have taken control of the company toilets.  They even have to deal with typical inter-office crap like department meetings and speeches from the boss on morale.

The comic is witty and drawn excellently.  Oni Press publishes the book and you can read a 32 page preview for free online at their site.  There are two trades already in publication, and the third trade is due out within the next couple weeks.

It’s definitely worth your time. C’mon, you know you need a laugh.

I heard about this on THE UNIQUE GEEK list serv, so if you’ve already seen this I apologize.  It’s a webcomic called “Breakfast of the Gods” and it’s hilarious!  There are on the third issue now.  The cast features all your favorite morning cereal characters (i.e. Tony the Tiger, Captain Crunch… etc).  The storytelling is really well done, the art gets better with every page, and it’s a decent page-turner.  I’m surprised every time a new major cereal icon shows up because I’m thinking, “Surely by now they’ve tapped out all the major cereal characters”.  But sure enough, a new one will turn up and I’ll slap my forehead thinking, “How on Earth did I forget about that character.”  I feel this series is vaguely reminiscent (with the tongue firmly planted in the cheek) of the Vertigo comic series “Fables”. 

So give these webcomics a try.  They’re Grrrrrrreat!

Here’s the cover of issue #1

Here is the first page …

Watch the YouTube video below for a really funny Aquaman song by Ookla the Mok.  By the way, that is the coolest name for a band ever!  The video is mostly made up of clips from the failed Aquaman TV show pilot, however, I’m all about the lyrics of the song.

If you are unable to view the embedded video, click here.

In honor of the new “Incredible Hulk” movie.  This is hilarious!

I ganked it from Michael Bailey, who ganked it from dj_intheuk. 

Fanboys the movie looks as if it could be the quintessential geek movie of all time.  Production has been delayed a whole bunch, but the trailer makes it look to be worth the wait. 

It’s got a great bunch of supporting actors, including Kristen Bell, Ray Park, William Shatner, Billy Dee Williams, and Jaime King.

I can’t wait!

If you can’t view this, watch it by clicking here!

Another oldie, but still awesome!!!

This was originally created by Geek-Week.net, but now thankfully belongs in all of our hearts!

Hey gang - I’m out of town for work and sick as a dog (sinus infection that won’t quit).  So nothing deep for today.  Enjoy another oldie, but a goodie.  Watch “The End of the World” by clicking here.

Have fun!

Welcome, mortal, to musical lamentations of Odinson!  Here wilt thou learn about the heroic deed known as Headbanging!

Thanks to NeedCoffee.com’s Ning for posting this brilliance!