{"id":118,"date":"2008-08-13T07:00:35","date_gmt":"2008-08-13T11:00:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/onceuponageek.com\/?p=118"},"modified":"2015-04-09T16:04:41","modified_gmt":"2015-04-09T21:04:41","slug":"job-description-married-geek-with-children","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/onceuponageek.com\/wordpress\/2008\/08\/13\/job-description-married-geek-with-children\/","title":{"rendered":"Job Description: Married Geek with Children"},"content":{"rendered":"<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><a title=\"My Dad's a Geek onesie at BabyFling.com\" href=\"http:\/\/babyfling.com\/dads\/2007\/10\/my-dads-a-geek\/\"><img decoding=\"async\" loading=\"lazy\" class=\"alignright\" style=\"float: right;\" src=\"http:\/\/onceuponageek.com\/images\/dad-geek1.jpg\" alt=\"My Dad's a Geek Onesies\" width=\"250\" height=\"269\" \/><\/a>While on an eight-hour road trip with my wife, two children, and mother-in-law, this post sprung into my brain\u00a0fully-formed.\u00a0 It&#8217;s an excerpt from a job description for potential married geeks with children.<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">&lt;&lt;Excerpt&gt;&gt;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><strong>JOB DESCRIPTION<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Position: Married Geek with Children<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Section: Time Commitment<\/p>\n<p>Applicant Prerequisites:<\/p>\n<ol>\n<li>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Applicant must have at least 25 years experience in\u00a0geekery.\u00a0 Interests to include (but not limited to): comic books;\u00a0role-playing;\u00a0video games;\u00a0action figures;\u00a0surfing the web; science fiction movies, TV, and novels;\u00a0and movie\/TV tie-in novels.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Applicants must be married to a non-geek.\u00a0 Applicants whose spousal unit qualifies as a geek may be considered, however, several of the restrictions outlined below may not apply.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Applicants should have at least two children (some of which may be live-in step-children).\u00a0 Applicants with only one child will be considered, however, until the number of children equal\u00a0or exceed the number of parents the full-blown &#8220;children effect&#8221; is not as substantial.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Applicants\u00a0must be willing to meet the following requirements:<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">Applicant is expected to give\u00a0up most available geekery time.\u00a0 Applicant must be willing to sacrifice geek-related activities\u00a0in exchange for: chasing after children;\u00a0helping with the dishes;\u00a0bathing children;\u00a0tucking children in bed;\u00a0and all-around household chores.\u00a0 Examples of\u00a0lost geekery time include:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Coming home after\u00a0a long day at work, sitting down with an enormous bowl of Mac &amp; Cheese and playing video games all night long. This will no longer be acceptable.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Seeing geek-related movies on opening night in a sold-out movie theater.\u00a0 Unless the spousal unit has a trusted babysitter, this is an activity for &#8220;remember when&#8221; discussions.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Long leisurely visits to the comic book store will be infrequent going forward.\u00a0 No more three hour discussions with comic shop\u00a0employees as to who would win in a fight, Thor or Superman.\u00a0 Applicant&#8217;s\u00a0comic shop\u00a0visits going forward will require careful planning and execution.\u00a0 Economical usage of time is recommended; visit the comic book store during lunch hours,\u00a0while out running errands for spousal unit, or take a few\u00a0pico-seconds to stop by on the way home from work.\u00a0 It&#8217;s recommended the applicants not take children to the comic shop unless the applicant wishes to spend the entire visit chasing the children or purchasing some outrageously over-priced action figure for the child.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\"><strong>&#8220;Alone Time&#8221; Addendum<\/strong><\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">&#8220;Alone Time&#8221; definition: The highly unusual instances (nearly mythical) in which the applicant find themselves without children, spousal unit, and\/or personal\/professional\u00a0duties to perform.\u00a0 Applicant must accept\u00a0the only &#8220;alone time&#8221;\u00a0they will have\u00a0for the rest of their lives will most likely occur\u00a0in one of the following places\/circumstances:<\/p>\n<ol style=\"text-align: justify;\">\n<li>In the bathroom &#8211;\u00a0Whether it be using the toilet or taking a shower, this is one of the only times the applicant will be allowed to be alone.\u00a0 Applicants are strongly recommended to read comic books or novels during toilet usage.\u00a0 It may be the only time you get for reading the whole week.\u00a0 Warning: this &#8220;alone time&#8221; may be interrupted by\u00a0two-year old children banging on the bathroom door because they think it&#8217;s funny.<\/li>\n<li>In the car &#8211; When not transporting children to or from\u00a0daycare\/school, the applicant may find themselves alone in the car.\u00a0 Applicants are strongly recommended to use this time to their best advantage.\u00a0 Recommended\u00a0usage includes listening to applicant&#8217;s favorite songs, calling old geek friends who never hear from the applicant anymore, or listening to audio books\/radio plays.\u00a0 Warning: this &#8220;alone time&#8221; may be interrupted by the spousal unit calling on the cell phone.\u00a0 Spousal units always seem to know when the applicant is alone in the car.\u00a0 Said spousal units apparently believe it&#8217;s their duty to call the applicant simply because the applicant doesn&#8217;t have anyone to talk to in the car.\u00a0 In order to maximize this infrequent &#8220;alone time&#8221;, it&#8217;s recommended\u00a0the applicant\u00a0not answer the cell phone,\u00a0later claiming it was set to\u00a0&#8220;vibrate&#8221; and they didn&#8217;t notice.<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">After everyone goes to sleep &#8211; Once the children and spousal unit have fallen asleep, the applicant may find themselves with available time.\u00a0 It&#8217;s highly recommended the applicant spend this time\u00a0on the computer, watching TV, or reading comic books\/novels.\u00a0 Utilization of this &#8220;alone time&#8221;\u00a0 may result in the applicant going to sleep at 2:30am.\u00a0 Many applicants\u00a0find the sacrifice of sleep in exchange for maintaining\u00a0geek-cred to be worthwhile.\u00a0 Warning: this &#8220;alone time&#8221; may be interrupted by sleep-walking eight year olds;\u00a0two years suffering from night terrors;\u00a0or spousal units awakening and confronting the applicant with questions like, &#8220;When are you coming to bed?&#8221; or &#8220;What are you doing up so late?&#8221;<\/li>\n<li style=\"text-align: justify;\">Mother-in-law visits &#8211; This is the holy grail of &#8220;alone time&#8221;.\u00a0 On rare occasion, the spousal unit will take the children to the mother-in-law&#8217;s place of residence for a visit.\u00a0 If the mother-in-law lives out of town, these visits may include overnight arrangements.\u00a0 Applicants are strongly recommended to make the best usage of this time.\u00a0 Potential usages include: applicant hanging out with old geek friends they haven&#8217;t seen since they had children; going to geek-related movies; renting geek-related movies they missed in the theater while eating absurd amounts of bad Chinese take-out; and marathon comic book reading sessions\/video game playing sessions.\u00a0 Warning:\u00a0applicants that are fortunate enough to experience &#8220;alone time&#8221; as a result of a Mother-in-law visit should prepare themselves for the resulting application of &#8220;guilt-trip 1.0&#8221;.\u00a0\u00a0The &#8220;guilt-trip 1.0&#8221; application will be initiated by the\u00a0spousal unit because the applicant didn&#8217;t travel to the Mother-in-law&#8217;s residence with the spousal unit.\u00a0 It&#8217;s recommended the applicant allow the application of\u00a0&#8220;guilt trip 1.0&#8221; to run it&#8217;s course, but simply purge any resulting emotions\u00a0once the discussion is complete.\u00a0 WARNING: If the spousal unit detects compatibility errors with\u00a0&#8220;guilt trip 1.0&#8221;, it may diminish the frequency of future\u00a0Mother-in-law visits.<\/li>\n<\/ol>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">&lt;&lt;End Excerpt&gt;&gt;<\/p>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">This excerpt was simply the section on &#8220;Time Commitment&#8221;.\u00a0 Other\u00a0sections include, &#8220;Financial Impact of Children and Spousal Unit on Available Geekery Funds&#8221;,\u00a0&#8220;It\u00a0Really is Wonderful to\u00a0Have Children&#8230;\u00a0Seriously&#8221;,\u00a0and &#8220;Conversational Geek&#8221;.\u00a0 In the &#8220;Conversational Geek&#8221; section you&#8217;ll learn things like:<\/p>\n<ul>\n<li>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">Encouraging your children to refer to automobile acceleration as\u00a0&#8220;warp speed&#8221; or &#8220;hyperspace&#8221;.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">The challenges of explaining to a small child why Batman and Spider-Man will never team-up in a movie.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<li>\n<div style=\"text-align: justify;\">If you find yourself explaining to your non-geek spouse the Star Trek timeline\u00a0in regard to\u00a0the original series, Next Generation, and Enterprise &#8230; you must realize they aren&#8217;t listening; they are just humoring you.<\/div>\n<\/li>\n<\/ul>\n<p style=\"text-align: justify;\">If you have any further documentation for this job description, please feel free to share!<\/p>\n<div class=\"sharedaddy 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Happy Birthday to Me!","date":"September 23, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"Happy Birthday to me!\u00a0 Happy Birthday to me!\u00a0 Happy Birthday dear Irredeemable Shag... Happy Birthday to me! In truth, this particular blog entry was written on Sunday because today I'm out of town for work.\u00a0 It's one of those grueling trips where you start working before dawn (like 6:00am) and\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;links\/websites&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"","width":0,"height":0},"classes":[]},{"id":1534,"url":"http:\/\/onceuponageek.com\/wordpress\/2009\/08\/10\/calvin-and-hobbes-for-parents\/","url_meta":{"origin":118,"position":1},"title":"Calvin and Hobbes For Parents","date":"August 10, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"As a parent, and a geek desperately clinging to his childhood, this image really speaks to me. I've been a huge fan of Calvin & Hobbes since the early days of its publication.\u00a0 I've got my own inner-Calvin, so I really connected with the daily strip.\u00a0 I was very wrapped\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;art&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/onceuponageek.com\/images\/calvin_hobbes_grown.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":1230,"url":"http:\/\/onceuponageek.com\/wordpress\/2009\/06\/22\/the-greatest-fathers-day-geek-gift-ever\/","url_meta":{"origin":118,"position":2},"title":"The Greatest Father&#8217;s Day Geek-Gift Ever","date":"June 22, 2009","format":false,"excerpt":"My wife and children surprised me with the single greatest Father's Day gift any comic book geek could dream of.\u00a0 My wife commissioned local artist, Billy Penn (Hot Shot & Mighty Girl, Savage Dragon), to do a comic book cover featuring me.\u00a0 Behold the astonishing result... Click the image for\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;art&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/onceuponageek.com\/images\/fathersday1.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":2985,"url":"http:\/\/onceuponageek.com\/wordpress\/2010\/03\/12\/the-new-dork-geek-anthem\/","url_meta":{"origin":118,"position":3},"title":"The New Dork &#8211; Geek Anthem","date":"March 12, 2010","format":false,"excerpt":"Viva Geeks!\u00a0 It wasn't too long ago that being a dork meant you weren't cool. Oh how times have changed. A new generation of geeky entrepreneurs are setting the standards for business and the world we live in -- they are the trendsetters. Being a geek is considered sexy nowadays\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;humor&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"Geek Underwear","src":"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/onceuponageek.com\/images\/geek_underwear.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":220,"url":"http:\/\/onceuponageek.com\/wordpress\/2008\/12\/11\/obama-to-appoint-secretary-of-geek-affairs\/","url_meta":{"origin":118,"position":4},"title":"Obama to Appoint Secretary of Geek Affairs&#8230;","date":"December 11, 2008","format":false,"excerpt":"... or rather, he should.\u00a0 Check out Paul and Storm's thoughts on this.\u00a0 If you went to DragonCon 2008, these guys were the opening band at the NeedCoffee.com & Quick Stop Entertainment's \"Nuts on the Road: Gonzo Sound & Vision\" film festival. 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From the Houston\u2026","rel":"","context":"In &quot;humor&quot;","img":{"alt_text":"The 56 Geek Project","src":"https:\/\/i1.wp.com\/onceuponageek.com\/images\/56geek_1.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]}],"_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/onceuponageek.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/118"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/onceuponageek.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/onceuponageek.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/onceuponageek.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/onceuponageek.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=118"}],"version-history":[{"count":1,"href":"http:\/\/onceuponageek.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/118\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":5120,"href":"http:\/\/onceuponageek.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/118\/revisions\/5120"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/onceuponageek.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=118"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/onceuponageek.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=118"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/onceuponageek.com\/wordpress\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=118"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}